Liquor Store Pregnant

By: Jenny Lawson (Bloggess & Mom of a 4 year old)



So today I leave for Blogher and if you do or don't know what that is you should read this but because I'm a dedicated blogger I'm going to copy and paste an email that my pregnant friend/total stranger sent me into this blog post. I'm that lazy. Also I should clarify that I'd just emailed her about how she should come to Blogher and also that I have totally brought my kid to the liquor store.

Now, her story...which is awesome:

I don't really know what blogher is. I suspect its some sort of high school reunion for bloggers, who've never met each other. And from your description there's a lot of booze. Can't say I don't agree with that.

Speaking of booze, my husband wanted to buy a buddy of his a housewarming gift. His buddy bought this huge place out in the East Texas nowhere, with 10 acres, and possibly feral hogs. He's got alot of feral hogs and that 's why he keeps a couple sharp pointy sticks and some lengths of chain in the back of his truck. (Husband says it looks like a hate crime waiting to happen and I agree) And we're in the liquor store, I am noticeably preggo, and he looks a lot like he just turned 21. I keep thinking, "Are these drunks judging me? How dare they? I'm not here to drink people, I'm here to get whiskey for some Dude named Hatch that lives in a 5 story plantation in East Texas. I DON'T DRINK MOONSHINE!!!"

Not while I'm pregnant....at least. Then at the cash register, the lady asked if I wanted a sucker since I couldn't drink, and I said, "Nope, I've managed the last 8 months i can manage some more." But then I got to thinking, suckers? Do people bring their kids into liquor stores and got all uppity because that's just wrong. Then I realized I had just walked into and around an entire liquor store with my unborn child in my uterus. So I had essentially done that. And felt kind've bad. Until I saw that my husband had bought some whiskey in a clay bottle with a cork, with a picture of Popcorn sutton, (known moonshiner) on it, and it looked just like something Little Abner would drink, and I felt kind've better.

And then my husband held a gun to a kittens head.

True story.

~ R

For more stories from Jenny, check out her site: http://thebloggess.com/